I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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