i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize