I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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