I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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