Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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