My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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