I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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