I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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