ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am one with the molecules
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize