if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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