last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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