You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize