My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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