I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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