It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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