i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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