I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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