I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am one with the molecules
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize