hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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