My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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