no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize