dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
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