You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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