i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize