I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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