A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize