____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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