I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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