Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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