Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize