I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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