Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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