i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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