well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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