I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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