He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize