I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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