tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
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I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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