I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
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I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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