I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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