I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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