im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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