I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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