i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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