I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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