I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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