I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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