ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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