the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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