And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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